Conversations with CJ, Blackfire-Slayer
The Portsmith Cryer Volume 27, Number 1
Part 1 of a 6-part Series
by Deirdre Scribner
I was having a pint with my husband in the Thirsty Eel, newly-redesigned as a chic mojito bar, but the smell of sulfur still lingers. The large, wooden entrance door burst open, and in strutted a dashing young swashbuckler. Heavy, well-worn boots, sword-hilt peeking out from under what appeared to be a tattered Old Kingdom cloak turned inside out, and... a delicate circlet of spun gold perched at a jaunty angle. A conspicuously-large coin purse dangled from his thick sword belt. That's not a double-entendre... he's not discreet. A less confidant man couldn't have pulled off the look, but with his moderate looks and oversized ego, it somehow worked. Eying the barren bar, then glancing uncertainly about the sea of nearly-empty tables, the magus spotted the vacant chair opposite me.
"Taken?" he asked with a hint of country drawl. In spite of myself, I blushed, then realized he was talking about the chair. "Let me buy you fellows a round," he announced, slouching into the seat, absently pushing the circlet back on his head. My husband, a guard with the city watch, chuckled and begged off, claiming duty, but curiously, I accepted.
Christof Jonah Purifoy, or CJ as he prefers, is equal parts boy, pirate, professor, and buffoon. Capturing his essence on paper is likely impossible. You simply have to experience him. (Note: this dialogue has been edited for clarity and to remove several long, rambling lectures on various topics such as "How best to cook a hog real tasty," "The fastest person in the seven villages area (spoiler: it's CJ)," "Why prepared magic is the more powerful variant," and "How to get your mead real cold before a kegger.")
DS: You're CJ, aren't you? Part of the group from the Wanton Wench?
CJ: Oh, I'm actually from the March of Greenvale.
DS: No... no, I meant currently. How did you join the crew of the Wanton Wench?
CJ: Oh, I'm not in the ship's crew. That's pretty hard work. Not that I couldn't do it... I'm pretty handy with ropes and knots.
DS: I've heard stories, about the battle for Portsmouth, but...
CJ: You seem pretty trustworthy. Do you ever go to the Greenvale area?
DS: We just met... are you - No. No, I don't.
CJ: A shame. I need to send some money to my family.
At this, he dropped a heavy coin purse on the table.
DS: How much money is in there?
CJ: (shrugging) Several of the big ones, but a lot of little ones. And a few gems.
DS: Wow. Trusting. But I want to know about you and the group from the Wanton Wench. The group that brought down Blackfire.
CJ: Oh! That. (shrugging) I'm pretty much the leader.
DS: You're the captain? I thought-
CJ: Haha, that's Lucy. She's the ship's captain, but my friends and I own the ship, more or less. The ship is kind of her own person, in a way.
DS: Interesting! How did you all meet?
CJ: All of us? Well, I guess I should start with my mother -
DS: I meant the group that killed Jana Blackfire.
CJ: Oh! Well, I don't like to brag, but I pretty much killed her. I'm probably the best fighter to come from the seven villages.
DS: Really? By yourself! How?
CJ: Well, it was a team effort. And while I could take all the credit, I have to thank my supporting cast for - Oh... "how" - I think it was a Fireball that finished her.
DS: But how did the battle go down? Can you give a detailed account of the Batle of Blackfire Keep?
CJ: Detailed? Okay. So, that morning I put on my best socks - socks are a key part of your battle-
DS: Maybe start at the point where the Wanton Wench approached the Keep?
CJ: Cutting to the chase... good idea. Well, I was on deck, giving some instructions to the crew.
DS: Now we're talking! Do you remember what you told them?
CJ: I was delivering my "Socks - The Unsung Heroes of the Battlefield!" presentation. Unfortunately, I was missing a few key visual aids, so it was a pretty rough start to the day.
At this, CJ downed his pint and stared into the empty cup, suddenly taken to another time and place, mumbling something about "Twist never had a chance to put on his socks!" Fortunately, the barmaid brought another cold beer, and he perked up a bit before leaving. I thought I might never see him again, since he said he was going into hiding.
Watch this space in the coming weeks for: "Conversations with CJ, Part II: The Reclusive Hero."