The Ballad of Hylax
(Our Trip to Mount Todd)
The mighty gnome once journeyed
Among the demons strong,
Seeking Staves of Justice
To right all evil wrongs.
The demons fought with cunning,
But Runeweed mowed them down.
They didn't like the nasty staff
And soon they would be bound.
With Hylax went the famous six:
Four men, a dwarf and Falstaff.
At men they spat, at kings they swung
And Reavers gained a laugh.
U-Gene the Dwarf was there, of course,
His eyes were wet with tears.
Falstaff's swagger was full and wide
From drinking two whole beers.
Had runes that would not glow.
Blackfoot, on the other hand,
Did so from heel to toe.
Zac the man was lean and mean
The ultimate killing machine.
No optional charts, no stolen bases
All he did was swing.
Zephaniah was far behind,
He was their male nurse,
It's hard to fight in battle
When one must bear a purse.
Above them all sat mighty God,
Rolling mighty dice,
His world did have familiar names,
His shirt said, "I go Rice".
They found the lake and the old man,
He helped them not at all.
A curse was given to scare the party,
U-Gene began to crawl.
The journey there was not too tough,
In fear the Bloodbeasts burst,
Not one has lived to tell the tale
When Hylax did swing first.
They chose Sir Zac to be their champ
And gave him blades which cut.
They put him up to fight a wimp,
Our pal Burba T. Butt.
A bottle on the floor they found
Falstaff slammed it down.
He thought that it was full of beer,
It blew him to the ground.
Hylax led them through the hall,
Filled with traps of lies.
He did what only two had done
With closed gnomish eyes.
He led them to the Forge they sought
And to the Giant-Raver.
They fought like men and dwarves and gnomes
And not Lamsar the Reaver.
The Elven Stones were often seen,
They shone with devil's light.
They were a great excuse, you see,
For Falstaff would not fight.
The party fared quite poorly,
They soon began to cry,
"The Demon Lord shall slay us all"
Till Hylax said, "He's mine".
The Demon Lord stood ten feet tall,
And Hylax stood but three.
"I'll slay you all," the Demon said,
"And set my minions free".
Then old man Zac stood by
And watched his master swing.
He knew his sword was useless,
He couldn't do a thing.
The Demon glared at gnomish form,
His eyes were filled with lust.
But Hylax swung his awesome staff.
The Demon bit the dust.
The party praised his valor,
They hailed him as their god.
They said, "He swings a mighty staff"
"And that sure beats my rod".