Matcon 22 Fun

From Neil. I haven't solves any puzzles yet, but I have determined that I have exactly 35.4874042% more fun per round on the golf course than Jeff. I have on the other hand determined that Tim and I have 98.0598222% of our strokes in common. That nearly makes me his identical twin.

Player Total Strokes
Jeff = 913
Alan = 916
Chris = 1002
Bill = 1071
Bob = 1110
Tim = 1213
Neil = 1237

From Tim. However, not as identical as Alan and Jeff, who are 99.672489083% identical. License?

From Neil. Are you suggesting the "Joey & Chandler Chairs" may have been put to unauthorized uses?

From Tim. More that while the rest of us are off looking for our balls in the woods the action may be in the fairway.

From Jeff. Don't you mean "looking for each other's balls in the woods"?

From Tim. Well, to be honest, I didn't want to point out that we were usually all looking for Neil's balls.

From Alan. Is it a coincidence that it's all the married guys who are looking for their balls in the woods?

From Bill. I think we definitely have to "hand it" to single guys as they do seem to be more proficient at keeping their own balls in play.

From Jeff. Golf is a great sport whether your balls are in the rough all day or you knock it long and hard down the middle. One second you're in a bush and the next you're in the hole... then you're out of the hole, then you're back in the hole. It doesn't matter how many strokes you take as long as your come and enjoy yourself. So grab your dimpled balls, regrip your driver, and buff your putter.

From Bill. Are we finished with this juvenile behavior yet? I don't think so...

'Twas the month before Matcon,
And all through the Realm,
The puns were a flyin',
They did underwhelm.

It began with the Druid!
That's usually the case.
Adjustin' his numbers
To the tenth decimal place...

From Neil. Perhaps it is merely the short players (dwarf and gnome) that are trying to compensate for something with golf and rhymes. I am reminded of a learned Sarpathian Scroll (recommended by Fuzzworth of Sarth, of course, he of the only manly observation in this thread) which definitely proves the direct correlation between height and... well, prowess shall we say. The scroll went on to discuss the female-repellent effects of the ever-present choking cloud of dust, but I digress.